simply surrendered.

Surrender

tina.gaspard@gmail.com (Tina) — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 14:28:00 +0000

My hands hold safly to my dreams
Clutching tightly not one has fallen
So many years I've shaped each one
Reflecting my heart showing who I am
Now you're asking me to show
What I'm holding oh so tightly
Can't open my hands can't let go
Does it matter?
Should I show you?
Can't you let me go?

Surrender, surrender you whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can't you see?
My dreams are me. My dreams are me

You say you have a plan for me
And that you want the best for my life
Told me the world had yet to see
What you can do with one
That's committed to Your calling
I know of course what I should do
That I can't hold these dreams forever
If I give them now to You
Will You take them away forever?
Or can I dream again? ~ Barlow Girl

A poem...sorta.

tina.gaspard@gmail.com (Tina) — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 15:07:00 +0000

There's a peace in letting go

In choosing to stop

In saying no

In not thinking about that thing

Whatever that thing may be

There's a peace in resigning

In being in today

In stopping and resting

In not letting wishes have their way

No matter how sweet they may be

There's a peace in knowing

In trusting God

In believing He is good

In waiting for His promises

Because they'll be perfect no matter what they may be

When they're done

When you're done

When He's done

When It Is Finished

You will say "Amen" and "Thank You"

Once upon a time...

tina.gaspard@gmail.com (Tina) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 13:15:00 +0000

Once upon a time, there was a girl

She loved to sing and dance and twirl

She dreamed a dream and made a wish

And waited to see how it might come true.

Once upon a time, there was a girl

Whose wish in her heart began to unfurl

It turned to hope and expectation

And she longed for the day it would be real.

Once upon a time, there was a girl

Who was no longer a girl and wore pearls

Still waiting and wishing and longing

And clinging fiercely to a hope deferred.

A hope that grew dimmer and more distant by the hour

A hope that defied logic, reason and reality

A hope that truly, and in every way, made her heart sick

A hope that was dying, choked by years and tears and heartbreak

Once upon a time, there was a woman

Who still liked singin', dancin' and twirlin'

But saw the sun set on that dream she dreamed

And she let it go. And she did not die.

From Spurgeon...

tina.gaspard@gmail.com (Tina) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 21:05:00 +0000

"Whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst."—John 4:14.

He who is a believer in Jesus finds enough in his Lord to satisfy him now, and to content him for evermore. The believer is not the man whose days are weary for want of comfort, and whose nights are long from absence of heart-cheering thought, for he finds in religion such a spring of joy, such a fountain of consolation, that he is content and happy. Put him in a dungeon and he will find good company; place him in a barren wilderness, he will eat the bread of heaven; drive him away from friendship, he will meet the "friend that sticketh closer than a brother." Blast all his gourds, and he will find shadow beneath the Rock of Ages; sap the foundation of his earthly hopes, but his heart will still be fixed, trusting in the Lord. The heart is as insatiable as the grave till Jesus enters it, and then it is a cup full to overflowing. There is such a fulness in Christ that He alone is the believer's all. The true saint is so completely satisfied with the all-sufficiency of Jesus that he thirsts no more—except it be for deeper draughts of the living fountain. In that sweet manner, believer, shalt thou thirst; it shall not be a thirst of pain, but of loving desire; thou wilt find it a sweet thing to be panting after a fuller enjoyment of Jesus' love. One in days of yore said, "I have been sinking my bucket down into the well full often, but now my thirst after Jesus has become so insatiable, that I long to put the well itself to my lips, and drink right on." Is this the feeling of thine heart now, believer? Dost thou feel that all thy desires are satisfied in Jesus, and that thou hast no want now, but to know more of Him;, and to have closer fellowship with Him? Then come continually to the fountain, and take of the water of life freely. Jesus will never think you take too much, but will ever welcome you, saying, "Drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved." ~Spurgeon

Silence

tina.gaspard@gmail.com (Tina) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 00:55:00 +0000

But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke him and said to him, "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?" Mark 4:38

How often is it that we do just this, whether we actually raise up this question to the Lord, or do so in our fear, unbelief or lack of joy. What is it today that is causing us to wonder if God cares for us, if he sees, if he knows, if he hears? What is it today causing us to be anxious, doubtful, or discouraged?

Whatever it is, the Spirit is saying:

The LORD your God is in the midst of thee...he will quiet you with His love. Zephaniah 3:17

Amy Carmichael says that this one verse speaks to the whole of life. It urges us to look at "the heart of the heart of love" and to live it. Sometimes, this means to be silent. More to the point, to fight to silence the murmerings and wonderings and rumblings and rest, just as Christ did, in the love of God. To meet the silence and peace of His love, with silence. This silence, Amy says, is not a gap to be filled, it is the climax of love and "all adoration."

What I'm Thankful For Today...

tina.gaspard@gmail.com (Tina) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 13:00:00 +0000

I am a tender sort...what some might call a person who "wears her heart on her sleeve". Sometimes, I do pretty well at putting an additional layer over that tender, exposed heart, but this only serves to delay the response to rough handling, accidental bumps and bruises and breakage, and even intentional injuries. As soon as I am in a quiet place, the jacket over the heart on my sleeve comes off and all of the emotion pours forth as if the hurt was fresh. At times, too, I handle my own heart roughly. Dashed hopes, disappointed expectations, even forecasts of hurt, rejection or disappointment are magnified in my mind and join the chorus of past hurts, rejections and disappointments until my poor heart can't take it anymore and my very soul wants to run away...to give up...to be done.

This is how I handle my heart. This is how others handle my heart. This is not how God handles my heart.

In those moments, when I can scarcely breathe for the emotion, God says things like this...

“A bruised reed he will not break.”
A broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.—He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.—"I will bind up the injured, and I will strengthen the weak.”—Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.—“Behold, your God. . . . He will come and save you.”

And that is what I am thankful for today.

A Timely Word...

tina.gaspard@gmail.com (Tina) — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 12:59:00 +0000

“Wait, my daughter.”

“Be careful, be quiet, do not fear, and do not let your heart be faint.”—“Be still, and know that I am God.”—“Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?”—The haughtiness of man shall be humbled, and the lofty pride of men shall be brought low, and the Lord alone will be exalted in that day. . . . “Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”—“In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.”Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way —“Whoever believes will not be in haste.”

Psalm of the Day - Psalm 24

tina.gaspard@gmail.com (Tina) — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 20:22:00 +0000

Psalm 24
The King of Glory
A Psalm of David.
1 The earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof, the world and those who dwell therein,
2 for he has founded it upon the seas and established it upon the rivers.
3 Who shall ascend the hill of the Lord?And who shall stand in his holy place?
4 He who has clean hands and a pure heart,who does not lift up his soul to what is false and does not swear deceitfully.
5 He will receive blessing from the Lord and righteousness from the God of his salvation.
6 Such is the generation of those who seek him,who seek the face of the God of Jacob.

Selah

7 Lift up your heads, O gates! And be lifted up, O ancient doors,that the King of glory may come in.
8 Who is this King of glory? The Lord, strong and mighty,the Lord, mighty in battle!
9 Lift up your heads, O gates!And lift them up, O ancient doors,that the King of glory may come in.
10 Who is this King of glory?The Lord of hosts,he is the King of glory!

Selah

Normally, when I read Psalm 24, I hear a song. That is to say, I hear it sung. I get caught up in the image of a great choir, and the full sound of their combined voices proclaiming "Lift up your heads, O gates! And be lifted up, O ancient doors,that the King of glory may come in." And then, in my head, the choir divides.

One half sings "Who is this King of glory?"

The other half responds "The Lord, strong and mighty,the Lord, mighty in battle!"

Then, louder "Who is this King of glory?"

"The Lord of hosts,he is the King of glory! "

Psalm 24 is a loud and lively Psalm...in my head, anyway.

But there is something interesting about this Psalm. The proclaimations, calls and responses are punctuated, if you will, by a single word, twice. The word: Selah. Now, I had to look the word up because I'm not that bright. According the the online bible dictionary, Selah is a hebrew word that is difficult to translate into English. Because of its usage, scholars believe it indicates a time to pause or to "stop and listen".

Stop and Listen.

Good advice. Hard to follow. Isn't it? Don't we all just seem programmed to "do"? To always be about something, moving on to the next thing, taking care of business? Stopping and Listening is downright un-American! But, David (thankfully) wasn't American, and neither is God.

That's all I got on this Psalm of the Day, folks. "Stop and listen". Whatever your situation, whatever business you are busy with, whatever hurt or crisis or choral activity you are in the midst of. Stop and listen and see what He might say to you.

A Psalm A Day - Psalm 51

tina.gaspard@gmail.com (Tina) — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 16:13:00 +0000

The other night, I went to bed at 9:30. Then, I woke up at about 10:30 and couldn't get back to sleep. This sort of thing doesn't happen to me often. Once I am out, I'm out 'til morning. But, this was just one of those nights. I lay there, head spinning, body willing itself to sleep, craving it even...yet it was elusive. I almost cried. For two hours, I wrestled and begged and prayed for sleep. In the midst of that time, I prayed for other things, too. One of those, was a renewed and revived relationship with the Lord. His answer was a starting place...read a Psalm a Day. I love the Psalms, so I don't expect this to be a task I will resist too much. However, because I think better by getting my thoughts out, I figured it would be good to blog about each Psalm as I go. I pray it will also be a blessing to anyone who happens to stumble upon them.

So...here we go. The first Psalm of the Day:

Psalm 51

Create in Me a Clean Heart, O God
To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet went to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba.
1 Have mercy on me, O God,according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,and cleanse me from my sin!
3 For I know my transgressions,and my sin is ever before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment.
5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,and in sin did my mother conceive me.
6 Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.
7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins,and blot out all my iniquities.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,and renew a right spirit within me.
11 Cast me not away from your presence,and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation,and uphold me with a willing spirit.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,and sinners will return to you.
14 Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God,O God of my salvation,and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips,and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
18 Do good to Zion in your good pleasure;build up the walls of Jerusalem;
19 then will you delight in right sacrifices,in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings;then bulls will be offered on your altar.

This is the quintessential penitenial psalm.

Say that three times fast. ;)

It is good that we have the note about the inspiration for this psalm of David - his sin with Bathsheba. Knowing this, I think, helps us to take this cry to God, this prayer, seriously. David isn't just some hyper-spiritual person that we have nothing in common with. We can't put him on a pedestal here and think that the way he speaks to or thinks of God is something we can never come close to. We can't idealize his words. David was a human being, like you and me. He was not perfect. He was not a monk. In fact, he sinned in ways most of us will never know beyond a flash of a thought in our heads. Yet, he was called a man after God's own heart. Perhaps this psalm, the heart that is revealed in this psalm, well help us understand why.

after he had gone in to Bathsheba: As I mentioned in the paragraph above, this psalm was composed after David had sinned with Bathsheba. We know from Scripture that, during a time of War, David spied Bathsheba bathing on her roof. It is implied that he watched her for a while, allowing his lust to grow. Nurturing his lust, then not only led to actually committing adultery with Bathsheba, but in plotting the death of her husband. Though most of us will never know these sins personally, they do fall on our list of "big bad sins". As such, there is no way we can read David's cry to the Lord and not apply it to our lives. If God can forgive one such as this, he can no doubt forgive us and our "lesser sins".

have mercy...my transgressions,and my sin is ever before me: Can't everyone relate to this? Something happens, you know you are at fault, and no matter how big or small the situation is, its all you can think about. You worry about being exposed. About being embarrassed. About coming face to face with someone youve hurt or wronged in some way. You want it to go away, but don't necessarily want to have our faults come to light. It can be a difficult and consuming and distracting place to be. Like David, I'm sure we cry "have mercy", but often God's way of administering mercy is not just a "poof" and our anxiety is gone.

Against you, you only: Here, David sees something that will help him move past the anxiety of what seems the most immediate consequence of his sin. He has sinned against Bathsheba and her husband and, also, against his subjects...but more than that, he has sinned against God. Every step we take away from what God calls good and right and true is sin.

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice: Every time I read this, I think of someone beating me with branches. But, that is not what David means here. Hyssop was an herb. Its branches were used to administer sacrifical blood during religious rites. Moses is instructed to dip hyssop in lambs blood and apply it to the door posts on the first passover. Here, David is asking for the same mercy, the cleansing that follows when we experience repentance. This is also, of course, a foreshadowing to the cross and the Blood of Christ which is far greater than a lamb without spot or blemish.

Create in me a clean heart, O God,and renew a right spirit within me: Here, David is acknowledging that only God can grant repentance and regeneration and turn our hearts to Himself.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise: Interesting wording following the verse above. "Broken spirit" and "Right spirit". A right spirit is a broken spirit, but not a spirit broken by sin. The right spirit is one broken by the grace and mercy of God, filled with awe and gratitude, and yearning not for its own way or to satisfy its own desires but to do the will of God and be pleasing to Him.

From start to finish, the Psalm covers the gamut of emotions and tracks the progression of sin to repentance...and beyond. I think my favorite thing about this psalm is that, while it acknowledges our emotions and weaknesses and the temptation to want to hide or cover or make up for our our sin rather than truly face it, it never throws the proverbial baby out with the bath water. David says, rightly, that God does not desire sacrifices or works of righteousness to bring us into right fellowship with him. Yet at the end he says: "Then I will teach transgressors your ways,and sinners will return to you...then will you delight in right sacrifices,in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings;then bulls will be offered on your altar."

Contradictory?

No way! God does not desire sacrifices or works of righteousness to bring us into right fellowship with Him. This is a work of the heart. A work He does in our hearts. Sacrifices, works of righteousness, walking in His law, and teaching others of His ways...like all of worship...should be the result of right fellowship, or a right spirit, not what produces it. God never despises us for desiring to walk in a manner worthy of the calling He has placed on our lives or wanting to abide by His law...when our hearts are aimed at loving and honoring him. The minute we see obedience or any spiritual act we perform as a means to the end of being accepted and loved by God, we've missed it; we've lost; we are worse off than before. Why? Because we are seeking our own. God seeks hearts that are completely His, not those who just want to feel like they are because they did this or didn't do that. David saw this. He didn't need to slay a ram to be cleansed of his sin, He needed the one who provides the lamb to have mercy and make him clean. And, we...well, we don't typically go out looking for lambs to slaughter when we have sinned, but we do go looking for a sacrifice or some work we can do to make ourselves feel better...like we've balanced the scales, somehow, don't we?

It doesn't work. God does not delight in punish work. He delights in us when we delight in Him...when we turn our whole heart to Him....even in the midst of sin and failure and weakness, as this Psalm clearly shows us.

Psalm 51 is quite counter-intuitive to the way the human mind and heart works, but it really demonstrates the heart of God and work of God in us sinners. Do you have any thoughts on this Psalm or the ideas I felt led of the Lord to share here? Any sections of the Psalm stand out in a particular way to you? Feel free to share in the comments. :)

Freedom or a Cell?

tina.gaspard@gmail.com (Tina) — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 14:06:00 +0000

A few weeks ago, I saw an acquaintence's status update on Facebook. It said something about finally being released from prison or paroled or something like that. Several of his friends chimed in and congratulated him. The only thing is, this friend wasn't really in prison...he was speaking of his divorce being final. His status and his friends congratulatory remarks made my heart sink. I know his wife. I know his kids. I know what divorce does to families. Most of all, I know God hates divorce. As my friend was rejoicing in his freedom, God was not rejoicing with him. I believe God was grieved. I know I was.

But, thankfully, before I could harshly judge my friend, the Lord turned his light on my own heart. He hates my sin no less. My sin grieves Him just as much. Like my friend, I often mistake sin for freedom. The steps I take in that direction lead just as certainly and swifty to the opposite of freedom. Indeed, every step we take away from God and what He calls good leads to slavery and a prison cell...albeit a very clevery disquised cell.

What my friend did in divorcing his wife and rejoicing is what I do when I choose nachos over the word or vain imaginations over being where God has called me to in that moment. Every day we are capable of, and often do, exchange what is truly good for what seems good right now. And, each time we do, we are exchanging God for a lie...freedom for prison...good for sin.

God, help us to choose rightly and desire you above all things! Amen.

Today's Daily Light

tina.gaspard@gmail.com (Tina) — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 14:08:00 +0000

His mercy is for those who fear him.

Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you, in the sight of the children of mankind! In the cover of your presence you hide them from the plots of men; you store them in your shelter from the strife of tongues.

If you call on him as Father who judges impartially according to each one's deeds, conduct yourselves with fear throughout the time of your exile.—The Lord is near to all who call on him . . . in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them.

“Because your heart was penitent, and you humbled yourself before the Lord, . . . and you have torn your clothes and wept before me, I also have heard you, declares the Lord.”—“But this is the one to whom I will look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word.”—The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

(Luke 1:50; Ps. 31:19, 20; 1 Pet. 1:17; Ps. 145:18, 19; 2 Kings 22:19; Isa. 66:2; Ps. 34:18)

This is My Beloved and this is my Friend

tina.gaspard@gmail.com (Tina) — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 23:56:00 +0000

He is altogether lovely. This is my Beloved and this is my Friend. (Song of Solomon 5:16)

Why is thy Beloved more than another beloved? (v. 9). That was the question asked of one who was so unworthy of her Beloved that she had grieved Him until He had to withdraw himself from her. She sought Him, but she could not find Him. She called Him, but He gave her no answer. It could not be otherwise, for her thoughts were moving round herself so that there was no room for Him.

But now she forgets herself in thinking of Him and showing Him to others. She cannot find words beautiful enough to show Him worthily. He is altogether lovely, she says. This is my Beloved, and this is my Friend. And instantly she is with Him in spirit. She knows where He is. There is no more separation.

There is nothing that can surprise our Lord in our unworthiness; He knows us through and through. But it must surprise Him sometimes that we ever stay even for one minute in the dark and cold, when we have such a Beloved and such a Friend that we have only to think of Him (instead of ourselves) to find ourselves with Him, embraced by His warm love on every side.

From "Whispers of His Power" by Amy Carmichael

Faith Brings Forth Praise!

tina.gaspard@gmail.com (Tina) — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 17:15:00 +0000

Psalm 56:4 - In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?

“Faith brings forth praise. He who can trust will soon sing. God’s promise, when fulfilled, is a noble subject for praise, and even before fulfillment it should be the theme of song. It is in or through God that we are able to praise. We praise as well as pray in the Spirit. Or we may read it—in extolling the Lord one of the main points for thanksgiving is his revealed will in the Scriptures, and the fidelity with which he keeps his word of promise.

In God I have put my trust. Altogether and alone should we stay ourselves on God. What was a gracious resolve in the former verse, is here asserted as already done. I will not fear what flesh can do unto me. Faith exercised, fear is banished, and holy triumph ensues, so that the soul asks, “What can flesh do unto me?” What indeed? He can do me no real injury; all his malice shall be overruled for my good. Man is flesh, flesh is grass—Lord, in thy name I defy its utmost wrath. There were two verses of complaint, and here are two of confidence; it is well to weigh out a sufficient quantity of the sweet to counteract the sour.”

- Charles Spurgeon, commenting on Psalm 56:4 in The Treasury of David

HT: Of First Importance

Read the Word

tina.gaspard@gmail.com (Tina) — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 01:01:00 +0000

This is my first webcast. It is an experiment, but meant to bless and encourage just as anything I would write on here. But I promise, next time, I will do something more to make my visage more appealing. Until then, I thank you for extending grace.

Wisdom from George Mueller

tina.gaspard@gmail.com (Tina) — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 17:40:00 +0000

I first heard about George Mueller while listening to a sermon series by John Piper. This series, called "Men of Whom the World Was Not Worthy", is comprised of biographical sermons on great men in Christian history: Luther, Newton, Spurgeon, Wilberforce, Augustine...and lesser known greats like Athanasius, Brainerd, and Mr. Mueller.

George Mueller is best known for his prayer life and for the orphanage he ran. It is said that his every breath was a prayer and that he cared for tens of thousands of orphans without every askng anyone but God for the funds to do so.

Since he qualifies as a man of prayer, I think knowing and learning from what he had to say about prayer is good and right and would be profitable for all of us. A friend shared this with us at small group last night...and, so...I am passing it on here:

1. Entire dependence upon the merits and mediation of the Lord Jesus Christ as the only ground of any claim of blessing. "Whatsoever ye shall ask in My name, that will I do" (John 14:13,14).

2. Separation from all known sin. "If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me" (Psalm 66:18).

3. Faith in God's Word of promise as confirmed by His oath: "He that cometh to God must believe that He is...a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him" (Hebrews 11:6).

4. Asking in accordance with His will. Our motives must be godly. "Ye ask and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts" (James 4:3).

5. Importunity in supplication. There must be waiting on God and waiting for God, as the husbandman has long patience God and waiting for God, as the husbandman has long patience to wait for the harvest. "Shall not God avenge His own elect, which cry day and night unto Him?" (Luke 18:7).

The Work of the Holy Spirit

tina.gaspard@gmail.com (Tina) — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 13:12:00 +0000

“It is always the Holy Spirit’s work to turn our eyes away from self to Jesus; but Satan’s work is just the opposite of this, for he is constantly trying to make us pay attention to ourselves instead of to Christ. He insinuates, ‘Your sins are too great for pardon; you have no faith; you do not repent enough; you will never be able to continue to the end; you do not have the joy of His children; you have such a weak hold of Jesus.’ All these are thoughts about self, and we will never find comfort or assurance by looking within. But the Holy Spirit turns our eyes entirely away from self. He tells us that we are nothing, but that Christ is all in all.’” - Charles Spurgeon

HT: Of First Importance

Oh...hi.

tina.gaspard@gmail.com (Tina) — Mon, 04 May 2009 14:28:00 +0000

Several months ago, my life changed. And, by changed, I mean, it was taken over. My routines were undone, rearranged and mangled. My time was sucked way and utterly consumed. My thoughts were for once in my life fixed and central and nearly solitary.

What caused such a life-changing turn?

A camera.

Sad, but true.

Since photography has come into my life, almost everything else has fallen by the wayside. I mean, I still go to work and do my job and all that. But so many things that were essentials B.C. (before Canon) have fallen into the cateory of "whenver I can get to it/them".

I think I'm sort of snapping out of it now. Oh, I'm not giving up photography, I'm just trying to achieve the proper balance and priorities. What that means, practically, is getting my home, my family time, and my blogging back in order and my routines a bit more consistent.

Wish me luck...and pray for me!

Quote

tina.gaspard@gmail.com (Tina) — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 13:58:00 +0000

Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God’s grace, nor are your best days ever so good that you are beyond the need of it. - Jerry Bridges

We Do Not Fight Alone.

tina.gaspard@gmail.com (Tina) — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 12:49:00 +0000

THROUGH the night of doubt and sorrow
Onward goes the pilgrim band,
Singing songs of expectation,
Marching to the promised land.
Clear before us through the darkness
Gleams and burns the guiding light;
Brother clasps the hand of brother,
Stepping fearless through the night.
--BERNARD S. INGEMANN

WE fight not for ourselves alone. These are they--our brethren--the cloud wherewith we walk encompassed; it is for them that we wrestle through the long night; they count on the strength that we might bring them, if we so wrestle that we prevail. The morning that follows the night of our lonely trial would, if we be faithful, find us new men, with a new name of help, and of promise, and of comfort, in the memory of which others would endure bravely, and fight as we had fought. Oh! turn to God in fear, lest through hidden disloyalty we have not a cup of cold water to give those who turn to us for succor in their sore need! --HENRY SCOTT HOLLAND

A Song and Not a Sigh

tina.gaspard@gmail.com (Tina) — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 18:54:00 +0000

On my birthday, the Lord gave me a verse: "The Lord will provide." (Gen 22:14) The verse comes near the end of the story of Abraham and Isaac, after Abraham has laid his son on the altar and God spares his life. "The Lord will provide" is what Abraham named that place, for God had provided an offering, and spared Abraham from sacrificing what he cherished most in this world...his hope for his future and the fulfillment of what He believed God had promised him.

In the weeks preceeding my birthday, this passage of scripture came to mind often, along with a sense that my own most cherished hope for my future - marriage - also needed to be put on the altar. It has become more and more evident to me that my desire for marriage, my certainty that it is coming, my insistent and, at times, burdensome, hope that it will soon be reality and my devotion to God cannot co-exist. Something has to die.

As I've waited, though, something has been dying. My confidence in God to give good things, to hear and answer prayer, to bless those who are called by His name, to satisfy our souls has withered and has long been languishing on this bed of despair called "singleness". Because of this one thing, this one hope, this one dream, this one expectation, this one desire - which is neither promised or guaranteed or necessary - my view of God has become small and a bit resentful.

So, like Abraham, I've tied my future hope and joy to a person and not to God. Abraham had his son, mine is a phantom, but it is nonetheless wrong, sinful, and faithless. When God led Abraham up to the killing stone, he was saying "Isaac is not the fulfillment of my promises and purpose for your life...I am." Had God not provided a ram in a thicket that day, he would have provided another offspring...His promise to Abraham would have been just as sure.

God hasn't promised me marriage. He has promised me Himself, peace beyond understanding, joy unspeakable, a very present and constant help, and all things necessary for life and godliness. I keep insisting on putting "marriage" in that list of "all things". I keep insisting that God must fulfill this "desire of my heart". But the truth is, he doesn't. He may not. He has not. And that is what I am left with now. Thus far, God has said "no" to marriage for me, but He has promised that He will provide, that He will not withhold any good thing from me, and that He will never leave nor forsake me.

I am single. I am not forsaken. Now to the living...

As with any death, there is grief. Though this is "just" the death of a hope or dream, the grief is no less real. My tears are real. The heavy, squeezing and rending of my heart is real. But God...

Yesterday morning, in my quiet time with the Lord (my first in a while) he led me to a particular, and favorite, devotional book. It said: "As for God, His way is perfect. (Psalm 18:30) ...the love of God is searching...He is partiently teaching us truly to mean [this]. ...he does not hurry us, but He does wait for us...till we can look in His face and say - not with a sigh, but with a song, 'As for God, His way is perfect!' This is victory; nothing less can be called by that shining name!"

This is what I want. This is my new hope, my new dream. This is the promise I am claiming, and trusting that God will hear, and answer.

Quote

tina.gaspard@gmail.com (Tina) — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 18:33:00 +0000

Our present life in Christ may be compared to that of the seed; a hidden life, contending underground against cold and darkness and obstructions, yet bearing within its breast the indestructible germ of vitality. Death lifts the soul into the sunshine for which a hidden, invisible work has prepared it. Heaven is the life of the flower. -- Dora Greenwell

Through the curtain that is His Flesh

tina.gaspard@gmail.com (Tina) — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 00:23:00 +0000

Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. (Hebrews 10:19-22)

It never ceases to amaze me how living and active and timely and fresh the Word of God can be. I wish I could say "always is" there, but I would be exaggerating if I did. Certainly, there are days when I go to the Word and it falls flat on my heart and sounds like white noise to my ears. Those are thick, cloudy, tuneless days. But, today was not one of those days.

I can't tell you how many times I've read Hebrews 10 over the past year, so please accept "several" as a sufficient descriptor...and know that it is an understatement. In fact, know that, of all of the books in the Bible, I've read Hebrews the most in my life, with one exception: Psalms. Yet, with all that reading, all those times of seeing and mentally and emotionally and spiritually hearing the words quoted above, I never saw or heard or felt those words quite the way I did just now.

"...through the curtain, that is, His flesh..."

Jesus opened a way for us to approach the Father, the throne of God, with confidence. He made a way for us to be forgiven and redeemed and know the eternal life sin would rob us of. As the passage above says, he opened a new and living way, opened the curtain to grant us full access. This curtain was His flesh, which was opened, or torn, for us. When I come before my Father in heaven I come by the tearing of His flesh, by the power of His sacrifice...and only by this way. I do not come by a prayer I prayed, or a list of things I do or don't do, or by my own good feelings toward God, or because I'm not Hitler or even because I seek to know and love Him more. I come through the curtain of His flesh, which was torn open for me. Every time. When I open my Bible to hear from the Lord ... I come through the curtain that is His flesh. When I pray...I come through the curtain that is His flesh. When I worship...I come through the curtain that is His flesh. When I seek to glorify Him...I come through the curtain that is His flesh. Every time.

And, when I choose to sin, to disobey, to go my own way...I must also go through the curtain that is His flesh. Whether I am coming in or going out, I pass through the curtain that is His flesh. Coming in, I accept the gift, the entrance that was made for me and God is pleased. Going out, I reject it, and God is grieved.

Knowing this, then, "let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith," and go out no more.

My Hope & My Song today

tina.gaspard@gmail.com (Tina) — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 16:55:00 +0000

From "Daily Light"...

You are my refuge in the day of disaster.

There are many who say, “Who will show us some good? Lift up the light of your face upon us, O Lord!”—But I will sing of your strength; I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning. For you have been to me a fortress and a refuge in the day of my distress.

As for me, I said in my prosperity, “I shall never be moved.” You hid your face; I was dismayed. To you, O Lord, I cry, and to the Lord I plead for mercy: “What profit is there in my death, if I go down to the pit? Will the dust praise you? Will it tell of your faithfulness? Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me! O Lord, be my helper!”

“For a brief moment I deserted you, but with great compassion I will gather you. In overflowing anger for a moment I hid my face from you, but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you,” says the Lord, your Redeemer.—“Your sorrow will turn into joy.”—Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.

Jer. 17:17; Ps. 4:6; Ps. 59:16; Ps. 30:6-10; Isa. 54:7, 8; John 16:20; Ps. 30:5 (Read full verses...)

Sufficiency in the Gospel

tina.gaspard@gmail.com (Tina) — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 13:30:00 +0000

"The gospel serves as the means by which God daily constructs me into what He wants me to be and also serves as the channel through which He gives me my inheritance every day of my Christian life. Hence, it could be said that the gospel contains all that I need "for life and godliness." It is for this reason that God tells me to be steadfastly entrenched in the gospel at all times and never to allow myself to be moved from there. The mere fact that God tells me to stay inside the gospel at al times must mean that he intends to supply all of my needs as long as I am abiding in that place of luxury." (from The Gospel Primer by Milton Vincent)

The gospel = a place of luxury.

I haven't thought of the gospel quite that way before. I've thought of the gospel as a means of salvation; a message of redemption and the distilling of God's great love into one great act and thought, but never as a place of luxury. This is quite a compelling and thought provoking description of the gospel: a place of luxury, a place where our every need is met and we are satisfied...while at the same time become more and more dissatisfied with the world and the desires and cravings we thought were needs before.

Strength

tina.gaspard@gmail.com (Tina) — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 02:37:00 +0000

“As your days, so shall your strength be.” - Deuteronomy 33:25

For the past 9 days, things have been very different for me. Before, my days were filled with apathy, struggle, failure, discouragement, and then weak resolve to try again the next day. But, lately, my days have been more peaceful, hopeful, and not filled with failure.

Why?

Simply put: God has been gracious to me. He remembered me and heard my cried for help...and he answered me. He has given me strength for today and great hope for tomorrow...and new mercy every morning.

And I am thankful.